It's NOT just me? Is it?

It Isn’t You? Really?

I am not a psychologist. But I know about PTSD. I grew up alongside it and experienced it alongside my parents. They suffered traumatic events in their lifetimes which left them with long lasting stress-related reactions to everyday events; which left me to misinterpret how I should react to things. I over-react to many circumstances in my life—just as they did. I feel as though I inherited their PTSD. Is this you?

I am uncomfortable in crowded places. It is not actually shyness which makes me retreat from crowds. It is a fear that someone there will find a way to hurt me, to demand from me something which I feel I cannot give. I am always alert for the threatening expectations of others. It does not always make sense to the people I try to explain it to. But I am always hyper-vigilant. Is this you?

If I must go somewhere with many people, I do cope. I sit near an exit with my back to the wall whenever possible. Otherwise I am uncomfortable and remain in place for only a short time. Sometimes, I find it hard to sleep while being disrupted by memories of very real or very intense memories of things that did not really even happen to me. I inherited that from my parents as well. Worry. I worry, don’t sleep well and develop a short fuse whenever these episodes leave me vulnerable. Is this you?

After all of that worrying, I feel guilty. That wasn’t me, really. I feel guilty about not being able to do anything to prevent the thoughts which trigger my stress. I get stuck. I turn inward and all I want then is solitude. I want everyone, even those I love, to just leave me be; let me recover on my own. I need my moments of quiet to recover my self. I need to concentrate on letting go of re-experiencing nightmares of my own making. Or, that quiet can give me time to simmer down my sometimes inexplicable anger or irritability. Is this you?

I feel like true happiness evades me and I end up feeling still worse about myself than I already do. I try desperately to avoid situations which may trigger my self-doubt but my triggers always find me. Avoidance is not always possible. My triggers can be simple and I leave the people around me questioning my actions. Don’t cut me off in traffic. I will spend the rest of the day berating myself for not being a KAREN! I will not yell but I will brood and become unapproachable for at least the rest of the day. Is this you?

This is me. If you are at all like me, you can always come to this blog to find some compassion and healing. I will share my survival techniques with you and you can feel better.

BUT, if this does not always work for you, go to www.ptsd.va.gov or [Wounded Warriors (Canada)] and find out what clinical treatments are available to you. I hope this helps.

Read my book, Adytum, which will launch at Friesen Press in January 2025. In this book, I share how I came to know PTSD and how my parents learned to cope with it.

Mary Cools